My Journey
The Dark Times
It has been a journey through the darkness that I didn't even know existed. Later in life, I learned that my birth chart stated that I have incarnated into this life on the most difficult life path and that was no lie.
As a baby, I was brought to America as a refugee, where English was not my first language. Like most who fled to the states, I grew up in low income household where we didn't have much but we were grateful to be free. Freedom means so many things to so many people and even though I was blessed to be in American Citizen by age 4, the mentality of the old communist way was still something very prevalent in our home. Mental health wasn't considered a viable option and if you ever seek it, you are considered crazy. And with that said, it's safe to say that if one doesn't deal with their own traumas, they wont dissipate on their own. Hurt people, hurt people.
Children were seen and not heard, Regular spankings are normal, Feminism isn't an option, Women cannot be more successful than men, Children were brought into this world with a forever unpaid debt owed to their parents no matter what, Women can't be doctors, and, of course, Women must be married and have children by age 25 or they are rotten eggs... and so much more.
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So by 21 years old, I was married and by 23 years old, I was divorced. I had a Masters of Science degree and a successful career. But according to my upbringing, it was not good enough. I was 25 years old when I became sick with what everyone was sure was the flu. But it wasn’t, and little did I know then that my journey was just beginning. One weekend during the summer, my friends invited me upstate for a weekend getaway and I went. It was a normal trip and nothing really out of the ordinary. I came home from that weekend with a few itchy mosquito bites and some were a bit larger than others, but overall I was feeling great.
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The next day, I happened to have my annual physical scheduled with my doctor. I went in to see the doctor for my regular check-up, feeling healthy, young, and free. Since I was there, I decided to jokingly point out the bites I got from the weekend. Like "Hey doc, look how big some of these bites are!" and the doctor dismissed it and said, ‘It’s just an allergy to mosquito bites, it’ll go away in a few days,’ and they did go away in a few days. However, about 4 weeks later, I started to feel flu-like with fevers, weakness, nausea, and dizziness.
My family and I assumed it was the flu. So I drank plenty of fluids and stayed in bed for a few days. But I wasn’t getting better and the symptoms became even more intense, including, migraines, vomiting, and brain fog. I went back to the doctor who said, ‘I think it’s food poisoning and you’ll get better in a few days.’ A few days later, I was in her office and not a stitch better. This time she said, ‘Maybe it is the flu and sometimes they can last up to 3 weeks.’ About a week later, I went back to the doctor, still sick with no relief. She said, ‘Is it possible you’re pregnant?’ My response was ‘no’ and a pregnancy test verified that. Afterwards, she said, ‘Maybe it’s bacterial? Here’s a script for Antibiotics for 10 days and you will be good as new.’
I was so excited to finally be given something that could help make this go away. After taking the medicine for 10 days, my symptoms lessened in intensity but never quite went away. About a week after completing this antibiotic, the symptoms intensified again, and I felt sicker than ever. I was so scared.
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This time I went to the emergency room where I knew most of the personnel there so I knew they would figure this out for sure and Ill be good as new soon. My body felt terrible and hoped that the hospital will run the appropriate tests and finally fix me. They ran tests, plugged me into antibiotics and fluids, but they could not figure out what’s wrong with me. They sent me home with another prescription for antibiotics and were sure I would feel better.
Again, the symptoms lessened and then returned with a vengeance a week later. Months passed and my symptoms became progressively worse and increasingly intense. On top of the flu symptoms, I began to have neurological symptoms arise such a joint pain and swelling, muscle weakness, tremors, extreme fatigue, difficulty with gait and balance, and significant memory loss. The symptoms would rollercoaster with intensity, some days easier than others, but still far from the health I yearned so badly to get back.
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I came from a family of medical practitioners, and as a medical Speech pathologist myself, I had many connections in the medical field and has a good rapport with many Doctors and specialist. And I never thought something like this could happen to me.
I hopped from doctor to doctor, specialist to specialist, dozens upon dozens of hospitalizations and tests performed with no answers. I would hear them offer suggestions on what they believed could be going on “Maybe cancer”, or “Maybe Multiple Sclerosis”, “Early Onset Dementia”, “Fibromyalgia” , “Chronic fatigue Syndrome,” “Fever of Unknown origin”, “Lupus”, “HIV.” You name it, I’ve heard it.
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Answers became scarce as doctors just starred baffled in disbelief and all hope for finally being better seemed to be depleting. This went on for YEARS and THOUSANDS of dollars in medical expenses as they ruled out everything they could think of. I was so desperate to feel normal again. To be honest, I probably would have eaten my own feces if someone had told me that would cure me.
After 3 years of misdiagnosis, I was finally diagnosed with Chronic Tick Borne Disease / Lyme Disease (which is now called PTLDS: Post Treatment Lyme Disease Syndrome by the CDC.) Those larger “mosquito” bites from years earlier ended up not being mosquito at all. They were tick bites. This was a disease I had never heard of before and now had to live with. In the beginning, I was so relieved to finally have the accurate diagnosis. I thought this would finally lead to treatment and I would be finally be cured. I had no idea about all the controversy around the disease, how difficult and gruesome the treatment process is, and that there is still NO cure for it. My world seemed to just get darker as I realized that the treacherous journey to getting the diagnosed was the easy part.
I was grateful to find a Lyme-Literate Doctor who specializes in treating Lyme Disease after her own struggle with Lyme Disease and having trouble finding help from the medical field. The doctor was very experienced with this disease and reassured me that she would try her best to get better, however, treatment is experimental, it could take years, it will be very difficult, and requires maximum effort. Treatment included a strict nutrition plan (eliminating anything that could cause an inflammatory response), heavy dosing of an array of antibiotics taken simultaneously, and hundreds of supplements to support organ and immune function. Every time a new antibiotic or supplement would be introduced, I would have a Herxheimer reaction (or in layman's terms, an extreme flare up.) This is common in treatment of all Tick-borne disease and is the only way to target the bacteria causing the symptoms. That means my symptoms would roar full steam ahead, sometimes leaving me almost disabled.
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I felt like my body hated me because everything became so unfathomably difficult and painful, including, standing, using the bathroom, walking, or even breathing. I would have shooting pains in my legs and all the way up my spine to my head that felt as if someone was sawing me open from the inside out. It was around this time that I started to become depressed. I felt that no one should have to live life feeling this sick and in pain for years and with no idea when or if there would ever be an end to it. I would cry often and contemplate death because, at the time, it seemed like the only thing that would save me from the suffering. I stayed on the path to treatment and remained on this rollercoaster for another 3 years.
The Awakening
At the center of my treatment, I was on extremely high doses of 12 different antibiotics at the same time and taking anywhere from 80-100 pills per day, including supplements and probiotics, as well as, various IV treatment therapies. If you would look at me from the outside, you would never believe how sick I felt or how many drugs I had to be on daily in order to survive.
After about a year and half on experimental treatment, I began opening up toward holistic healing including reiki, yoga, and meditation, which had aided in my healing journey to connect the mind and the body.
I delved more into holistic treatment, adding acupuncture, affirmations, Ozone therapy, UVBI Light therapy, NAD+ therapy, cannabis, and sound healing to my treatment plan. As holistic treatment progressed over the years, the symptoms became less intense, less frequent, and flares would make fewer appearances. The road to healing has been far from linear. It has had many twists and turns, up and downs, and continues to challenge me and my growth.
I became very curious and interested in Eastern Medicine and Holistic Healing Modalities which began my journey to becoming a Holistic Health Practitioner and a forever student of the world.
Today, I am 36 years old, and every day, I am grateful for this body and all that it has done and continues to do for me. It had granted me this chance to awaken from the darkness and appreciate life and all of its beauty.
It has allowed me to expand my career from a Speech Pathologist to Board Certified Holistic Health Practitioner. Over my more than 10 year journey to wellness, I have learned, trained, and become certified in various modalities of holistic healing. I have had the privilege of working with many clients with great success on their healing journey, as well as my own.
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I share a bit deeper into my spiritual awakening journey on my Podcast Aura Vibez, where I speak of a moment where my heart stopped and I met face to face with spirit.
( link:
https://youtu.be/VieMhFX2F7E?si=lr4TQ9tQyAshziQw )
Doctors and specialist continue to call me to this day and have no clue how I am alive, walking, let alone thriving. However, they continue to refer their patients to me when the western medical model doesn't benefit their client. I want to connect and share all of this knowledge I’ve gained along this journey to help others in any way I can to shine bright and create healing.
I currently hold 17 Degrees & Certifications in :
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-Yoga ERYT-200 ( Astanga, Hatha, Restorative, Trauma Yoga, Ganja Yoga, Yoga Nidra, Prenatal)
-Master's Degree in Science
-Sound Frequency Healing
-Meditation
- Holistic Nutritionist / Ayurveda
- MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction)
- Reiki Master Teacher ( I, II, III)
-Crystal healing Trained
-Science of Mind Trained
- EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping)
- Creator of StripNflow Hip Hop Yoga
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and working on some more to come very soon.....
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